Doin' Some Soul Searching

Tuesday morning I awoke with the best of intentions.  I had hoped to get back onto the roads in the early morning.  Something I have rarely done lately.  But as I have done for over a year now, I disappointed myself and ended up running after class at 9:00 p.m.  I suppose the good news is I am still running.  But I am nowhere near as fast as I once was, and I'm not logging the number of miles I once was. 

Tuesday morning when I did awake I stepped onto the scale and for the first time in a very long time I tipped over 180 pounds at 180.2.  I was so angry with myself.  That is still a very good weight for me to be carrying but since January of last year I have put on about 8 pounds.  I am certain this is part of my issue. 

As I stepped onto the treadmill at 9:03 p.m. two nights ago I got myself going, flipped on my iPod Shuffle and took off.  Disappointed, angry and generally not happy with myself or where I am I did a lot of thinking.  Actually it was refreshing.  I am certain that I'm not far away from being back to where I was at one time.  It wasn't that long ago and all I need to do is string together a few good runs and start feeling good again. 

I am happy to report that even though it's only been a few days, I have resisted desserts for the most part, which has been difficult to do of late and I have worked out and run consistently.  Today I did 4 of my 5 miles in Boston qualifying time.  It's truly only a start and although I'm exhausted as I write this I feel as though I'm off and running.  I realized something else on the treadmill the other night.  I need to find that fire once again and commit myself to something.  Perhaps not Boston but I've got to find that something that is going to drive me like Boston did for so many years.  I sit back and realize that after pushing myself and driving myself for 5 years and worked myself hard to accomplish a goal I know that this is probably normal.  It's just a bump in the road and soon I'll find that desire.  Soon I'll get myself feeling better and soon I'll be back to the level that will make me content once again.