Right Back Where I Started From

It's been five days since I ran the fabled course in Boston, Massachusetts and I've even started exercising again. Yesterday I ran a slow recovery 3 miles (legs were still sore) and today I got back at my lifting routine.

Although I have spent pretty much all of the past five days reflecting on the experience that was Boston I must admit to having mixed feelings. On one hand I am very satisfied and happy to have etched my name into the history of the Boston Marathon. I am content with the effort I put forth toward the race. I wasn't so happy with my training; which I've discussed in this very blog, which came back to haunt me just past 21 miles. Which brings me to the feeling of contentment I have with those first 21 miles. After reviewing the race and my time splits and hashing over how I ran this race I cannot be more happy that I was able to hold the pace I did for so long. The fact that I was running on a 3:30 pace through 21 miles is nothing short of astonishing considering the amount of treadmill running I did this past winter. And yet I still feel far short of any of my expectations. I had set a 3:30 goal in my mind with a secondary goal of no more than 3:39:59 for obvious reasons. But I didn't reach either of those. No, not even close.

Posting a 3:52:42 (and I hesitated to even bold that) was and is a huge disappointment. It stands as my second slowest time in a marathon (besides my very first one). It was 7:00 slower than Frederick (which was awful). It was 19:00 slower than Johnstown (which was awful past mile 18), and 23:00 slower than Pittsburgh (which was challenging to say the least).

And so I am left to wonder what might have been. Satisfied and yet vastly dissatisfied. I've reached my goal of getting to Boston. I reached my goal of finishing Boston. But like so many races before, I am not happy with the complete picture. Before heading north last Saturday my mind was set to finish this off and then maybe step away from marathoning for awhile. Run shorter races. Run but not on such a regimented schedule. Now, I feel like I'm still unfulfilled. The question I keep asking myself is what would make me happy? How can I make this go away? The answer is actually a simple one. Although the solution is hard. Much harder than it was a year ago. I feel like I must get myself back there and simply train for it and run it better. Go and get that 3:30. But in order to do that, I need to run a sub-3:15. Something I have not yet done.

In a lot of ways I feel as though I'm right back to where I started from...