Still Looking for ME

Helluva time to pick to go disappearing. Try the entire winter and spring (so far) prior to the 2011 Boston Marathon. I went out for my 10-mile run today after work. One of my final two double-digit runs prior to the big day and like always, I did a lot of thinking on that run. I thought of lots of things but two themes stand out to me.

First, I kept thinking about what's wrong with me. Where am I? Which leads me to the second thought. And invariably the two are tied together. This is the biggest sporting event I've participated in in my entire life (debatable, but I don't think I've been involved in any bigger. The sheer history of the Boston Marathon and the fact that one must qualify to get into it leaves me thinking that yes, it is THE BIGGEST event of my life.) Where am I? Why can't I run fast like I did just a year ago at this time? Am I burnt out? Did the broken foot and then the tendinitis last year finally catch up to me? Is it the bad winter? (<-- frankly, this one is an excuse). Is my commitment level not where it should be? Did I spend too much time on the treadmill this past winter? Did the fact that I worked only half my normal complement of hockey games affect my cross-training? (<-- catch/22 of this is that I purposedly backed off so as to not get injured and cost myself Boston). Do others who qualify for this race experience the same kind of "drop off" I have?

With three weeks to go, obviously I have lots of questions. And I think the answer is it's all those things and more. I'm trying to stay positive about it and take positive energy with me to Boston but the fact is I feel less prepared for this marathon than any preceding it. The only thought that keeps me going is that I felt similar before I went to Philadelphia four years ago. I went there with next to no expectations and I missed qualifying for Boston by 4 seconds.

With three weeks to go there isn't a whole lot I'm going to be able to do about it at this point, so I try to keep my mind off of it. But it's hard to do that when you're out on the roads with nothing but your iPod and your mind. The thoughts dart in without thinking of them. The reality stares me down and although I'm concerned I just keep searching. One additional thought pops into my head and it gives me some solace. I won't stop searching for ME. Perhaps I'll find him in Boston?

A Final Tune-Up

Although next Saturday would have been a better race in Meyersdale (Maple Festival 5-miler), I decided to run the Pennsylvania Highlands Sprint to Success 5k today as my final tune-up race before Boston. Despite running a 21:28 (unofficial), a time that most of my friends and loved ones say is very good, I find myself disappointed and struggling to understand why I am not as fast as I was just a year ago.

My weight has been fairly consistent and the only explanation I can come up with is that I spent more than my fair amount of time on the treadmill this past winter. I became much less of a die-hard going outside when the weather turned bad and the weather was bad more often than it wasn't this past winter.

After struggling with quadriceps tendinitis last fall and not racing as much I guess that not actually racing is a secondary reason why my speed isn't there. With just over three weeks remaining before my bid day there isn't much I can do about it at this point. I must focus my energies on Boston and running my best possible time there. However, I think that it is important for me to make sure that I enjoy the moment there and take it all in. Even if that means I have to stop on occasion to enjoy the revelry of the race and not worry so much about time. That will be fairly difficult for me to do but perhaps my lack of speed right now will have me balanced enough to realize that speed is not of the essence. At least not right now.

Above is my race shirt and 2nd place medal in the 40-49 age group (my friend Paul Straka took first. Despite my snails pace, I still managed to finish 5th overall. Perhaps that is why people think I'm crazy for being disappointed.

7159...

No, it's not some weirdo hidden code to explain the Mayan calendar or the impending end of the earth and life as we know it. Today is kind of a landmark day in that I logged into my profile for the Boston Marathon and I have been assigned Bib # 7159. This continues a string of odd bib numbers for every marathon except for my first (Cleveland; Bib #376). Every marathon since has been an odd number which is good luck. Hey, I'll take what I can get.

The other significance of my bib is that I will be taking off from the start with runners in the First Wave. This year Boston will be using a Three Wave Start format with approximately 9,000 people starting in each wave. Obviously, it's somewhat advantageous to start out front as I found out in Chicago.

I'm getting pretty excited about this thing. As I should. I've got a 20-miler to get through this Saturday and then it's taper-time. If I can string together another good week this week I think I'll be well on my way to respectability. Which is a long hnaul from where I thought I'd be 3 months ago. Two months ago. Hell, even a month ago...

The Final Push

Yesterday I did my 18-miler and passed the test with somewhat flying colors. It was yet another example of how I am totally affected by weather. The temperature hovered just below and just above 40 degrees and with the sun shining brightly it was an enjoyable experience for the most part. I did want to stop around mile 16 but pushed through my negative thoughts and completed the run and felt good about it when it was over. I could only keep thinking how miserable I might have been if it had been raining or snowing or much colder. Anyway, next weekend will be my 20-miler and then the four week taper. I'm "cramming" for the Boston Marathon. Not what I had hoped to do but it is where I am at the moment.

Even though I love Wedding Crashers because I think it is one of the funnier films of all-time I can't help but recall the line from Senator Cleary (Christopher Walken) to his daughter Claire Cleary (Rachel McAdams) that seems to fit right now:

"We have no way of knowing what lays ahead for us in the future. All we can do is use the information at hand to make the best decision possible."