A Year of Change

One year ago today I was in a rental car on the Pennsylvania Turnpike heading back home from Philadelphia. It was a bittersweet trip that had me thinking about how close I had come to qualifying for the Boston Marathon. A day earlier I had run the marathon of my life. Perfect weather conditions coupled with a perfect course for my style and an alignment of all the stars put me in position to run a BQ. But in the final mile or two my body relented and I narrowly missed. Four seconds. That's all that stood between me and my ultimate running goal.

I struggled for several days to make sense of it and invariably I asked many questions. Many "what ifs" that I couldn't answer. One 'what if' question that still haunts me is, "what if I never get that close again?"

I drove home on that rainy and snowy day with a drive and desire to overcome those four seconds. I couldn't get two words out of my mind. SO CLOSE.

Fast forward one year. So much has happened. I have so much to be proud of. I set new PR's in several race distances, including one I thought I'd never break (5k). I put together one of my best "overall" years of running despite falling back in the marathon distance. A disappointing run in Frederick in May followed by a so-so showing in Johnstown just seven weeks ago had me looking at a run toward Boston in Richmond last weekend.

But the stars of fate worked against me once again. A cruel test of will and a hockey puck hit me and has put me in a predicament I have not had to deal with recently. I recall the broken bone in my right ankle in college that kept me from my teammates on the football team. It changed my life for a short while. But at the time it seemed an eternity. My recollection gets more vivid everyday. I am thankful I'm not in a hard cast as I was then. I am thankful to still be upright and breathing. But like a year ago, two words cross my mind often. THIS SUCKS.

A year ago I was so close. This year I am so far away. Far away from normalcy. Far away from the game of ice hockey. Far away from running and the health and feeling of well being it gives me. Things have changed. I eat less. I sleep less. I think more. It's a horrible combination. Will this pass? Sure. I am certain of that. But when? And how? Those are the questions of life I suppose. They're always there. But it takes something like this to bring them to the forefront. That and, "what happened to you?" I cannot wait for this to pass and for normalcy to show it's beautiful face again.