Don't Make Me Go White Car on Your Ass

This one was just too good to pass up, whilst I rehabilitate my slight case of plantar fascia. To fully understand where I'm going with this, a bit of a history lesson first.

Several years ago, I received a t-shirt from my brother Rick at Christmas that has become "that" t-shirt. One my wife despises, and one that has become my 'go to' around the house type shirt. Every guy has one. I just learned of one of our neighbors Mr. Bubbles shirt. I'll come back to the shirt.

Last summer I drove home from work, minding my own business and pulled into my garage like I always do. Several minutes later a police officer knocked on my front door and wondered if I drove a white car. Moments before I drove past a group of neighbor kids, an older gentleman driving a white car had attempted to offer candy to these kids. When they saw my car, they called the police who were following up on a lead. When the officer saw that I did not fit the description (a man in his 60's with white hair), it was simply a case of mistaken identity.

Last night at 3:00 a.m. the faint sound of a barking dog worked it's way through our open window and as I began to focus in, became louder and more clear over the humming sound of our ceiling fan. In my head I thought, 'someone will hear it and either bring it in or get it to stop'. A half hour later, the dog had continued to bark incessantly. Losing patience and now wide awake I decided that I would go and investigate the whereabouts of this barking. Because of the time of night and because I wasn't exactly sure where it was coming from I pulled the car out of the garage and drove toward the sound. Turns out it was only a couple hundred yards away. The dog was sitting at the base of a speed limit sign at the edge of a yard whose house was up for sale and vacant. Still, plenty of houses surrounded this area and I found it hard to believe nobody had either come outside to investigate (like me) or call the police.

Since the road I was sitting on can actually be busy and does have a posted speed limit of 35 I thought I would pull around the block to a safer location before calling the police. As I came around the block it became apparent that one of the neighbors had awoken (all of her lights were on and she stood in the doorway with a phone in her hand) and called the police who were now pulling up on us (me and the dog) from the opposite direction.

Amazingly, as the officer got out of his car and approached me, he said they had received a report of a white car driving around the neighborhood. To make a long story short(er), we figured out that the dog had broken free from it's porch but dragged it's leash behind it and had gotten it wrapped around the speed limit sign. All is well that ends well, but not before a second police unit had arrived on the scene and one other neighbor.

When I returned to the house, my wife Becky and I had a laugh because as I described to her the events from above it dawned upon me that I was wearing that shirt Rick had given me years ago and that I now typically sleep in during the summer time. Since it is a summer shirt now, the sleeves have since been cut off but the words on the front are still legible. We laughed at the prospect of how it would have been a perfect scene to be shown on Cops. There I am in the middle of the night with a cutoff t-shirt that reads "Don't Make Me Go Hockey On Your Ass" in my now infamous white car.

Needless to say, the transition as we laughed was a simple one. I now have a new phrase to use, since Becky made the observation that it might be time to begin looking for a new car. What does this have to do with running? Absolutely nothing. But since I had to take this morning off because of nagging foot pain, it gave me something to write about. And it gave me a new phrase to use now and probably forever. "Don't Make Me Go White Car On Your Ass."